5 strategies to surviving desi weddings when you're single

Desi weddings are weird–the celebration of a happy marriage is also one of the biggest gatherings of mostly unknown people dishing out unnecessary criticism. It is a chance to pull out the once worn outfit or a competition to show off your (real or unreal) wealth. Nonetheless, from Holuds to Mehendi nights to Haldis to Biyes, we are there and need to be trying surviving desi weddings, because, well, free food.

Let’s admit the truth, being young and single is no easy task. The societal pressure to find someone and settle down is so immense that at times, even the most accomplished, talented, ambitious people cave into the pressure. And things are ten times harder when you are a girl, as from the moment you turn 20 (sometimes 18), the endless stream of aunties with 30-year-old sons start flooding into your home. Why are they trying to scout you, a 20-something year old who sometimes forgets to take a shower?  Surviving desi weddings become difficult for the young adults because the concept of “live, and let live” is completely foreign to many elders.

Is that the end of the road, then? Will you have to spend your life getting overpriced and subpar Kacchi from sultan’s dine? Or should you sacrifice all your hopes and dreams and just get married for the sake of Kacchi?

Lucky for you, here are a few strategies you can follow to make the best of the situation.

“Every time you see an auntie approaching you, square your shoulders, plaster a fake (or genuine) smile on your face, and nod to whatever they say until they find a new target. “

Condition yourself properly.

annoying aunty, desi

In martial arts, the process of conditioning your bones involves hitting them repeatedly until it doesn’t hurt anymore. Use that principle on yourself. Every time you see an auntie approaching you, square your shoulders, plaster a fake (or genuine) smile on your face, and nod to whatever they say until they find a new target. Doing this once week will train your mind to tune out everything that you don’t want to listen to, and you will be able to enjoy your food without letting the disruptions bother you.

Travel in packs.

squad, skwaad, squad goals

No matter how old you are, it will always be awkward to interrupt a group of people in conversation, making it another solid way to try surviving desi weddings. So whatever you do, do not stay alone at the event. Keep a trusted ally close, and start a conversation whenever someone starts walking towards you. In the worst case scenario, if you absolutely can’t find anyone to hang out with, then find a group of strangers in your age group and lurk near them, and pretend that you are a part of that group. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Try to blend into the background.

beige, dance

Colors are great. But if you’re going to be surviving desi weddings where you will face unpleasant questions every five seconds, it’s probably wiser to dress in matte beige, off-white and pale colors instead of bright red and yellow. Save those colors for a wedding where none of the murubbi know you. Just be bold and do you.

Take selfies.

selfie, sonal kapoor, desi weddings

Of course you should keep a document of how good you look in your white saree and pearl earrings. But selfies can serve a greater purpose. Use the camera to keep an eye out so no one can ambush you from behind. Also, pretend that the lighting sucks and move about. It is hard to hit a moving target, not to mention the fact that no one actually wants to talk to a plastic Barbie who just won’t stop taking photos.

Check the guys out.

hunk, cute guy, zoey deschanel

It is a universal truth that guys look a billion times better in their formals. So replace all your bitter memories of aunties with images of that hot hunk. Yes, they are very, very rare, but keeping your eyes and ears open won’t hurt much. And what better things do you have to do until the food is served?

These are just a few basic guidelines to surviving desi weddings. You can always come up with your own tricks. And if you do have better ideas, please let me know. I am running out of ways to escape.

Cheers.

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